scream
i'm thankful that i'm still alive and didn't take my life last year even though i tried.
god, i’ve come so far.
though, i’m beginning to get back to that place.
i’ll fight it as long as i can.
it's hard to explain:
- 3 hour conversations with no silences
- the way i look at him
- the way he looks at me
- the sincerity of his words and kisses
- how those kisses make my heart palpitate
- how those kisses make his heart flutter
- the way our hands fit perfectly
- everything we do
- everything we say
- everything we don’t say out loud
it’s a vibe you get around us. i have found my other half.
i’ve never been one for love and attatchment.
i always ran away from it.
i didn’t believe such things exist.
but it does. not for everyone though.
some lie or think they’re in “love”.
love is a place where i reside.
i can’t explain every detail of us.
this is but the tip of the iceberg.
so much potential to us.
weird thing is, i can see us being old but you said it out of left field before i got to even bring it up.
it’s real love.
report on tonight's events:
parents and i have been fighting all day. got my keys taken away from me. thenn my ma went into MY CAR and searched it but she was apparently trying to figure how to open the hood. i took my one set of my keys from her room and i was trying to get out of there and she kept charging at me so of course i’m gonna do it right the fuck back.
she ran to my car, got in, and locked the doors. i banged on the window then ran back inside the house, grabbed her keys, and did the same. she got pissed and yelled at me, i just stayed in there, blared the horn, and told her to turn my fucking lights off. finally, got out only to exchange yells. i called her a cunt, etc. she returned the profanity of course.she tried to hit me but missed so of course i’m gonna raise my hand to her. went back inside, closed the door in order to lock her but that failed. i slightly crushed her arm and that’s when she went at it and got a few licks in. i told her dont ever touch me again or i’d “kill her”. eh. not too bright on my part. put her keys back and she yelled at me to get my ass down there and hand her them. parents sat me down only to lecture me.
i spat on my mother and my dad ran upstairs rummaging (more like destroying) my room, demanding my keys. he found my pipe that blows bubble and was like “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? ARE YOU ON DRUGS? CRACK ADDICT. SLUT. ” i threw the pipe down the stairs. told him he could fucking keep it and that it just fucking blows bubbles. CHRIST, i fucking showed him it when i first bought it last year. it was my Juno prop. so i screamed like a banshee and yelled at the top of my lungs and threw them in the hall, attempting to get him out of my room. i had to fucking HAND HIM MY KEYS. he called me white trash and shit. that’s where it ended. so
yeah, i’m really fucking down and hurt. i started to write a letter but stopped halfway though. i cant be in the fucking psych ward for a fourth fucking time. basically, i need to be heavily intoxicated.
i wish that you never met me.
i’ll tear you apart unintentionally.
apologies for what may come.
i’ll try to not let anything happen, but i make no promises.
i dont know how long i can take it.
you need to learn to step it up. i’m trying to make this work. i want it to work. i’m gonna try as best as i can. cause i like you so damn much.
i'm a good friend, person, and girlfriend.
i will not kiss him.
i will not think about him.
i will not mutually jump his bones.
